Yuuzai
by JapFreaky
Summary: No matter which universe, their relationship is always sinful. Series of one-shots of the SeishirouxSubaru pairing of X/1999 and Tokyo Babylon.
1. Horitsuba Gakuen - Trust

**Well, hello there. I wasn't planning on posting this here, because I was too insecure, but now, I'm just like meh. And to tell people that I'm still alive. XD**

**The title Yuuzai, means Guilt/sin in Japanese if I'm right, and I got it off a song by the same name that was used as Subaru's image song in the Tokyo Babylon Image Soundtrack 2, which is by the way,****_ very_**** old. XD**

**This will be a compilations of one-shots of the SeishirouxSubaru pairing, from any of CLAMPverse: Shiritsu Horitsuba Gakuen, X, Tokyo Babylon, Tsubasa Chronicles, etc.**

**I didn't want to post this as the first chapter. The one that I did want to set as the first chapter however, I rewrote it again and again because I wasn't satisfied. And to gain back my confidence after being horribly depressed about that, I decided to do a simpler one, so tada~**

**_WARNING:_**** SMUT. Check that word out in the dictionary if you don't know what I mean. I put this as M rated for a reason. And yaoi! Please click on the home button if you can't take it, thank you.**

* * *

_**Universe: Shiritsu Horitsuba Gakuen  
Name: Trust**_

**A sort of sequel to 'School Doctor', but there's no need to read that before this. Seishirou is the school doctor and Subaru is the student. Which means kinda, innocent 16 year old Subaru!**

* * *

_No matter which universe, their relationship is always sinful._

_._

_._

_Only varying in degrees of sinfulness._

* * *

He was humming to a tune and glancing at the clock as he went about his usual schedule. Check the records. Pack the files. Make sure the medical instruments were all in place. The sickbeds were all made perfectly. No specks of dust anywhere. No spots of blood that he had forgotten to clean off. He had learnt his lesson with Kunogi Himawari's blood (as adorable as it was to have Subaru freaking out over him, it was too much of a hassle, really).

He walked an extra round around his infirmary, searching for any loose cameras or recorders that he had missed out. After the first uproar he and Subaru had caused, he had found out about that hidden camera. That video where he was kissing the student had been uploaded onto the school's website, courtesy of the eccentric chairman of the school.

Seishirou thought the entire incident was funny, considering that normal schools would have fired him when they got wind of the teacher-student—ah no, _doctor_-student affair. But then again, Shiritsu Horitsuba Gakuen wasn't a normal school. Deep down, Seishirou thought it was a blessing in disguise that they had been found out so quickly. He was able to know that there was still a camera in the infirmary (and the angle of the video gave away its location easily too) and get rid of it before they managed to do anything more outrageous than a mere French kiss… and some petting (It was a slight pity that they had to be caught on their first kiss though; Seishirou had wanted to preserve that memory).

But of course, Subaru would be horrified to hear that.

Loud footsteps ran across the corridor and Seishirou perked his head up at that. The infirmary was a situated at a rather lonely corner where not many people passed, which meant that it could only be—

The door swung open and a student rushed in, closing the door behind him as he leaned against it, sighing in relief. His round porcelain face was covered in a light sheen of sweat.

Seishirou greeted him with a cheerful smile. "Good afternoon, Subaru-kun! You seemed to be in a hurry today. What's wrong?"

The pair of green eyes rose to meet his in an adorable puppy-like fashion. "Seishirou-san," he greeted back, fingering the cuffs of his school uniform and Seishirou decided to ignore that detestable maroon color of the jacket for now. "It's just that… ever since that… um… video," he blushed before continuing on, "The newspaper club, um, you know Miyuki-chan?"

"Ah yes, that blonde girl that was always running across the hallways with a bread in her mouth, is it?"

The sixteen-year-old nodded his head at that. "Well… She's the president of the Newspaper club and she has been chasing me around for a… for some questions…"

There was a pause where Subaru blushed at his shoes. The doctor briefly wondered what this Miyuki-chan had asked. If they had progressed any further than a kiss maybe?

Seishirou found himself deeply amused by the thought and strolled over to the boy to pull him into a hug. Lowering himself, he whispered into the black hair, stirring the strands with his breath, "So you escaped to here? It wasn't that you wanted to see me?"

Hearing that, Subaru pushed himself from the embrace to look up at him with slightly wide, shocked eyes. Words tumbled out of his mouth. "T-That's not what I meant! This place isn't my hideout or anything! I just… I just…" he stammered, tripping over his own words as he tried to explain himself.

Throwing back his head, he laughed delightfully.

It took a moment for the student to realize that it was a joke. "Seishirou-_san_! I was being serious!"

"Yes, yes, of course. I'm happy that this is the first place you came to, Subaru-kun." He stopped laughing and brushed a hand over the side of the small face. The smooth, delectable skin that fitted onto his palm so well. Subaru fluttered his eyes close shyly, an act reminiscent of the time they first kissed. An act of giving in so willingly.

Seishirou breathed in deeply and all of a sudden, he dropped his hand from the face. He turned and walked towards the windows while the student blinked after him, confusion written over his face.

Pulling the curtains closed, he made sure there wasn't a ray of afternoon light that filtered in, or any of the light in the room getting out. Then he walked back to where the student stood by the door, bewildered. He reached over to lock the door.

Resting a hand on the door next to the student's head, he leaned down to face him on eye level. "Hey, Subaru-kun," he whispered, "What do you think of the kiss?"

Green eyes widened themselves before flitting over to a random corner of the room, an intense shade of red taking over the pale white tone of his skin. He didn't answer, but he didn't seem to hate it either.

But that was all he needed to know.

He crashed his lips onto the boy's.

"Mmph!" Subaru raised his hands and for the briefest moment, Seishirou thought the boy was going to push him off, but they only wrapped themselves into loose fists on Seishirou's coat. Seishirou pressed himself even closer against the lithe body, pushing it against the door. He forced open the small mouth and slipped his tongue between the lips. Subaru let out a gasp at that.

_How cute_, he absently thought. Running one hand down the student's arm, he slipped another under the maroon jacket to wrap around the slim waist._ Even though we kissed more passionately before. So innocent._ Seishirou let out a deep chuckle. The laughter rumbled in his body that was pressed against the small frame, causing the student to shiver.

He broke off the kiss and the both of them struggled to catch their breath. Subaru's face was flushed—this time not from an embarrassing remainder. The eyes which were usually clear and filled with intense pure emotions were flooded with lust—or was it love? He couldn't tell them apart. But such a sight caused heat to gather at his certain lower region and unable to resist, he bent down to whisper huskily into the boy's ear, "Is it alright?" A hand ran down from the boy's shoulder to his thigh suggestively and Subaru's body jolted.

"B-But we're in… the school…" The hand wandered dangerously low.

"I've already took off all the cameras. No one will know..." His voice dropped into a whisper. "And no one will hear us here… Can I?" His hand was… his hand was touching—

The boy's body arched. "Yes…" His reply was soft but immediate. "Yes, Seishirou-san."

Delighted by the display of absolute willingness, Seishirou swept the maroon jacket off the shoulders to reveal the tanned button-up shirt and a tie. As if finally understanding, Subaru reached up with shaky fingers to take off the white doctor's coat, the feather-like kisses Seishirou was placing on his face distracting him. When he pulled off the coat, he was starting to work on the buttons of the shirt—his fingers trembling more than ever— when Seishirou suddenly caught the wrists. He placed kisses on each of the fingers, as if to reassure him. _I'll lead. You don't have to worry about anything._

As soon as he finished kissing the last finger, he grabbed the wrists and pulled him over onto a bed. Second from the left. The one that they had their first conversation. The one they had the late-night stay. The older man crawled over the boy in fours.

"Sei-Seishirou-san… I-I…" the boy's face was uncertain, voice anxious. "I've never…"

"Shh… It's fine, I know." He placed a gentle kiss on his forehead, almost lovingly as hands reached over to loosen the school tie. Pulling it over the boy's head to drop it on the ground, Seishirou trailed kisses from the forehead down to the now exposed neck, his hands quickly occupying themselves with the buttons on the tanned shirt. The boy too, reached up to mimic his actions. A smile tugged on the older man's lips. _You really trust me so much, Subaru-kun._

Finally finishing the buttons, his mouth descended onto the spot between the boy's collarbone and neck, eliciting a small, surprised cry from the boy. Under the now opened shirt, hesitant small hands reached up to ran against the strong back gently. His own hands ignored the now naked chest for now and went further south. Fingers lightly brushed against the front of the boy's school pants and the lithe body arched at the contact. The older man chuckled.

"Subaru-kun, so hard already?"

The innocent face glanced at him fearfully, almost shameful. "I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean to… It's just… I couldn't help it…"

"Don't apologize, Subaru-kun." Dropping his weight down all of a sudden, he grinded against the small frame. Hardness against hardness. Slapping a hand over his mouth, Subaru muffled the cry. "See, Subaru-kun," he purred. "It's normal. Nothing of be afraid or shameful of. Unless… you don't trust me?"

The boy shook his head immediately at that and Seishirou smiled before pulling the small hand away and sealing the lips with another breathtaking kiss. His hands were working on the belt of the school pants. (Dammit, couldn't Yuuko get a simpler uniform?) Once that was finished, he dipped a hand into the school pants to grab hold of the shaft. Surprised moans were muffled by the kiss. As he squeezed it, the body squirmed under him, the small hands on his back tightening and moving to entangle into the older man's hair instead; it was as if to pull the older man even closer to him.

When they ran out of breath, they separated once more but Seishirou didn't rest this time. He trailed his lips down to the exposed chest without leaving the skin as his free hand reached down as well to pull the pants together with the underwear down, fully exposing the boy now.

.

Each touch was like fire, sending heat and desire through the boy's veins. They gathered at his certain lower part where Seishirou's hand was—

His thoughts were cut off as teeth scraped his nipple. And all of a sudden, it was all too much for him. In a room full of too many memories with the one currently above him. In an all too familiar room where all could be heard were pants and moans that were so unfamiliar to his ears. A bold hand touching and caressing him like that. The tongue that had just shared their kiss. The lips that had been leaving sensational touches all over his skin. The mouth that had the mix of their saliva. They were rubbing and nibbling and biting and sucking.

"Ah! Seishirou-san! Please! I can't!"

The older man didn't reply. Absorbed in what he was doing, he continued on, only taking the slightest pause to pull his own pants down and shrugging off the already constricting shirt. Subaru shakily averted his eyes from the fully exposed man, knowing that he wouldn't be able to take it anymore if he didn't. Hearing the spring of the bed as the man crawled back on top of him, he shut his eyes as he felt the weight of the man above him. He could do nothing but to cover his mouth in a weak attempt to silence his cries, experiencing each and every of the, _oh_, too pleasurable shock waves send along his way. He was already _so_ hard…

When the touches suddenly stopped and the mouth was lifted off, Subaru could almost breathe a sigh of relief at the break. He opened his eyes weakly but Seishirou moved further down the bed to where his other hand was occupied with—

Subaru's half-lidded eyes shot open. "Wait, Seishirou—Ah!"

.

The older man took the whole length into his mouth. He could dimly hear the boy beneath him crying out his name. But he didn't, he couldn't pay attention. The noise of their ragged breaths; of the sweet, innocent voice panting those sounds; of the sound of him calling out his name in the midst of all that— begging. He couldn't stop.

His own mind was repeating the same thing over and over. _Subaru-kun. Subaru-kun. Subaru-kun._

He couldn't stop. His tongue swirled the tip of the length and tasted the already overflowing liquid. And then, he took the whole of it into his mouth again, his fingers circling the base before squeezing it. His tongue moved faster. Swirl. Suck. Lick.

He could faintly hear the clear, distant, sweet voice gaining in volume, the small body shuddering and writhing under him, the slender legs coming around Seishirou's shoulders—to bring the older man closer, to attempt holding himself back, the older man didn't know— and the hands gripping on his hair tightening. It wasn't long before the words being screamed became incoherent and the volume finally reached the climax.

It spilled.

With one large shudder, the seed spilled in the older man's mouth. _Subaru's seed_, his mind added helpfully.

Except for the pants that the student was letting out, the room was silent now. For a moment, Seishirou stayed there, the shaft still in his mouth, already spent. He savored the aftermath of his partner's climax, the seed still in his mouth. The legs slipped from the older man's shoulders back onto the bed with a thud, limp and tired.

But he wasn't done yet.

In one swift movement, he climbed back up the bed and Subaru looked at him through tired eyes, his petite mouth wide open to breathe heavily. "Seishirou-san, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—"

He kissed him, releasing some of the seed into the boy's mouth. The green eyes widened immediately. As exhausted as the boy was, he quickly realised what the substance was and a flood of red overtook his skin again.

Separating themselves only inches apart, the older man swallowed the rest, a loud gulp resounding across the room. It did nothing to soothe his throbbing desire but instead worsened it. And as if possible, Subaru's eyes went wider and his face turned redder.

"That! You shouldn't have swallow— Mmph!"

He wasn't in the mood for chitchat; he wasn't done yet. He rubbed his hardness against the lithe body to make his point.

Tongues fought in the mouth before breaking off abruptly to catch their breath. A thin trail of saliva separated them. Seishirou grabbed Subaru's hand and guided him to his shaft. Upon contact—cold against heat—the student jerked, his face heating up once more. "Seishirou-san…"

The older man lowered his face to the student's, only centimeters apart, hot breath against the skin. His golden honey eyes were intense, desire stirring in the deep depths. That look was all that it took. The doctor could almost see the confused gears shifting and turning in the wide green eyes. Of the fear of the unknown experience getting tossed away, of a new determination taking over the thoughts—_if Seishirou-san wants it…_

_You're too trusting, Subaru-kun._

And then the last gear finally clicked in place. Seishirou looked seriously at him when suddenly the small hand he guided to his length,—the hand that was quivering at the new expectancy that was laid out in front of him—that hand grabbed hold of his shaft.

Seishirou threw his head back and he arched. Subaru's hand moved: caressing and stroking and testing… He wasn't usually one to be so affected by a mere hand job. But to have Subaru of all people to be doing this…

He saw the student from the corner of his eye: a hand holding his mouth as if to stop from making any sound; his teeth biting to hold himself back from doing anything; his green eyes wide, filled with fear and shame that he was swallowing down in face of the older man's wish.

_Just how far will you go for me, Subaru-kun?_

That, together with the hand that was moving faster and faster, he vaguely felt Subaru's originally limp need awakening again. _Wonderful._ Breathing heavily, he reached out to toy with the nipples, encouraging its hardness.

When he was close to the edge, he grabbed the wrist and pulled the hand away forcefully. It froze in his grip.

"Did I… D-Did I do something wrong?" His voice was quivering, emerald orbs was wide with a new kind of fear, lips bitten so hard blood was steeping out.

_Fresh red blood_, his mind noted absently, _beautiful_. Ignoring that thought, the older man leaned down to capture the bruised lips with a light kiss, tongue licking the blood off. Metallic taste mixed with the salty aftertaste of Subaru's seed and saliva.

"Subaru-kun," he mumbled against the lips. "I want to…" His voice was heavy and his finger slipped behind the shaft to prod gently at the hole. Subaru flinched. "Is it alright?"

Hidden fear resurfaced in the emerald orbs before being swallowed down again. "I… I… Okay, Seishirou-san."

"… Really, Subaru-kun?" he asked, uncertainty and concern laced in his voice. "It'll be painful."

With the question, the boy spoke up, green eyes now sure of themselves. "Yes, Seishirou-san. I… I trust you."

With the answer and permission given, the older man circled an arm around the slim waist and pulled him into a hug. The both of their shaft brushed against each other and Subaru let out a squeak. "S-Seishirou-san! Your-! My-! They're—"

"Mmhmm, I know." He nuzzled his face into the disarray of black strands of hair, breathing in the scent and hiding his satisfied smirk. His free hand ran down the smooth back before cupping the round bottom. He squeezed it lightly and a ferocious blush lit up the round face. Seishirou laughed. Even after doing so much, he was still so innocent. How cute. His finger slipped between the legs and he pushed a single finger in.

The boy let out a gasp at the new sensation. Small hands clenched at his back as the entire body tensed at it. "E-Eh, Seishirou-san?!"

"Shh, it'll get better. Relax."

He inserted a second finger and he could feel the boy's hands tightening on his back, scratching him. Ouch. Subaru called his name again, but he, again, ignored it. He pressed in, searching…

Subaru jumped, his emerald eyes flying open in shock as the fingers touch a spot. _Found you._ Seishirou hid the smirk as he began to knead it. The boy arched, his legs wrapping around the older man. The small frame shuddered, emerald eyes wide open but dazed with each of the new, strange sensations of pleasure mixed with pain.

Seishirou pulled his fingers out. Balancing the quivering boy with a hand against the small of his back, he reached over to a small table by the bed to grab a bottle in the drawer. Pouring some of the liquid out, he loosened the slender legs wrapped around him and covered his own manhood with it swiftly. Within seconds, he placed the bottle back to see the boy glancing at him incomprehensibly. He gave him a reassuring smile, placing gentle kisses on each of the boy's eyelids. Lifting the boy slightly, he positioned himself and then—

—he thrust in sharply. As he pushed against that intense tightness, he could vaguely hear the shocked, almost breathless gasp that escaped the boy's lips and could feel the small hands on his back loosening at the unexpected entry.

Pulling out slightly, he pushed in again, this time deeper, into the prostate. He repeated it, hitting the same spot as Subaru moaned, his fingers tightening his hold on Seishirou once more. His own breathing grew more ragged and heavy as he increased his speed, moving faster and more swiftly against the boy, feeling the fierce pleasure that it brought him.

"Ah! Seishirou-san! I- I can't! Again, I'm—"

Subaru was crying out again, his fingers clenching on Seishirou's skin hard as his legs tightened around him.

"Don't hold back," the older man gritted his teeth, voice commanding as he lowered the boy onto the bed. "Let it out."

"Sei-Seishirou-san! Please! I—"

He drove into the boy again and with a large shattering cry, white substance spilled out once again, this time onto Seishirou's chest. The cream was slicked and strangely, it felt cold against his hot skin. It was strangely arousing. He breathed.

Bringing a free hand up, Seishirou rubbed his fingers against Subaru's heaving chest, covered with a sheen of sweat, his mouth coming down to lap up the salty taste of the skin greedily as he thrust into Subaru again—

_All thoughts to be more gentle forgotten and abandoned._

—And again, gaining speed and aggressiveness—

_His need growing and taking over his mind._

_Subaru-kun. Subaru-kun._

_I need—_

The older man groaned. His body shuddering as the ecstasy of the climax flared through him, his built-up desire breaking free into the boy's body and the last hot flash of pleasure searing through his entire being. Dimly, he could hear Subaru's gasp as the seed spilled inside his body.

Seishirou collapsed onto the boy, the both of them taking the few precious moments to collect themselves and calm their breathing.

After a few seconds, the older man pulled himself out of Subaru and settled himself next to the student. The bed, being clearly meant for one, was too small for the two of them; Seishirou decided to pull the boy into a hug, tucking the boy's head under his chin. Subaru was so small, Seishirou felt as though he was a pillow.

"Seishirou-san?" The murmur was soft and exhausted. "You're so hot."

He chuckled. "So are you, Subaru-kun."

There was a moment of silence and Seishirou made himself comfortable on the bed, almost dozing off before Subaru spoke again, a hint of nervousness in his voice. "Sei-Seishirou-san?"

He held back a yawn. "What is it, Subaru-kun?"

Subaru tilted his head back to gaze into Seishirou's honey gold eyes, his face pink and clear green eyes shimmering with emotions. "I… I love you, Seishirou-san."

There was an odd pause where the older man stared at the student. He wasn't expecting this, especially after sex. But thinking about it, it was something perfectly natural to do.

With the silence stretched out, Subaru began to panic, his eyes dropping and his heartbeat increasing as he wondered if he had said something wrong. The doctor could clearly read the thoughts racing in his mind. _Is Seishirou-san going to reject me? But then, after what we did, I thought…_

Seishirou gave a genuine smile at the boy.

At the smile, Subaru dropped his gaze, blushing a bright red. The doctor placed an affectionate kiss on the sticky forehead before tacking the head under his chin again.

"Thank you, Subaru-kun." His voice was gentle.

Subaru nuzzled his face onto the broad chest in reply.

The two of them lay that way for a long, long time.

* * *

"So then, what I'm saying is that, I don't think Sei-chan and Subaru progressed any further than that kiss that we witnessed that one time!"

Hokuto was sitting in the chairperson's office again, complaining as she drank the tea in one large gulp. The other three looked at her downing the drink in amazement.

Fai propped his hands under his chin, bouncing his head from left to right. "Eh~ But then, Hokuto-chan, how do you know that they hadn't done anything? Maybe they just didn't tell you."

"Well, duh! It's my baby brother! Even if Subaru doesn't say a thing, I'll still know! And I'm telling you, they haven't done a thing yet!" She slammed the cup onto the table. "What's that Sei-chan doing anyway! He should just be the pervert that he really is and go for it!" she screeched.

"Well, don't be too irritated, Hokuto-chan," Yuuko smiled. "We can always judge their process by spying on them like the previous times we did."

"HUH?!" Kurogane's tea spluttered out. "I thought he removed that camera ever since the video!"

"Well, yes he did actually," the chairperson muttered regretfully. "Which is why I have to use the last camera with caution! We can't take a video anymore if we catch them again!"

Yuuko whipped out a remote control and pressed a button to see the screen coming down.

"O-Oi! You guys are still doing this? Wouldn't that guy come after you all if you try that again?" Kurogane asked.

"Ah~ That's right." Fai spoke up, his smile still on his face. "During that time, I guess Kuropon-sensei will have to protect us then~"

"WHAT?! Why do I have to do that? And my name is Kurogane!"

Yuuko shook her head in disappointment. "So you're something who will abandon their friends in a pinch… My opinion of you has changed, Kurogane-sensei!

"Ah! The screen is down now!" She noted with glee and pressed another button.

An image immediately flashed onto the screen and the four stared at it.

The two were on a bed and their clothes were on the floor… And Seishirou was... Seishirou was… Perhaps it was a good thing that there wasn't any sound.

"YUUKO-SENSEI! QUICKLY TURN THAT OFF! YOU HAVE A 16-YEAR-OLD GIRL HERE!" the gym teacher roared, trying very hard not to look at the scene on the screen.

"Unfortunately, that's not possible… This is set to run for at least a minute before it can be turned off again."

"ONE MINUTE IS TOO LONG!" Kurogane huffed and eyed the projector, his mind racing. Then he delivered a swift but accurate kick at it, destroying it and the image flickered out of the screen. "Phew!"

The chairman stared at her broken projector. "How could you do this, Kurogane-sensei! Now, I can't spy on the other places until I fix this!"

"That's right! Kurowanwan-sensei, you're so cruel!"

"Heh, serve you right," he muttered under his breath before he realized that the most important person, the one whom he was the _most_ concerned about right now, hadn't spoken a thing yet. He turned to see the older twin fall onto the chair, dropping her head into her hands. He could see her frame quivering from where he stood. "Oi…" he started, hand reaching out to pat her, "I know this was too much of a shock but please don't cry—"

Hokuto suddenly stood up, her emerald eyes brimming with tears as she declared to the whole room:

"I'M SO HAPPY!"

Silence ensued after the outburst where three pairs of eyes stared at the only under aged person in the room. It was a long moment before the silence was broken.

"What have you done, Kuropon-sensei!" Fai pouted.

"I'm so disappointed in you, Kurogane-sensei, you destroyed Hokuto-chan's happiness!"

"WHAT?! Why am I the one at fault?" The only perfectly sane person in the room shouted.

It was another peaceful day at Horitsuba Gakuen.

* * *

**Eh, okay that ending was because it was in the Horitsuba universe, I can't don't put a light-hearted scene at the end there. I have no idea why I put Miyuki as the reporter,(for more info, read Miyuki-chan in Wonderland... On second thought, never mind) but I couldn't think of any other CLAMP females that might be suitable for the job. :/**

**First completed smut I've ever done... So please leave a review to tell me what you think?**


	2. X1999 - Connotations

**I Am. So. Utterly. Fail. At. This. In all honesty, I think this is a really fail fic, but it's also my first attempt at actual angst. Combine that with my second attempt at smut, well….. Okay, actually, maybe you can count this as my first attempt, considering that I wrote this first though it wasn't finished, and then I finished 'Trust'.**

**Also, it's pretty obvious, but my writing style changed halfway through. I think it's because of the break I took from writing this fic. And also, the music I was listening to at the second half of this fic (it's a really sad, depressing cello performance). That's why.**

**And I almost puked at the number of times I reread the first half of this, trying to finish this.**

_**WARNING:**_** SMUT. Check that word out in the dictionary if you don't know what I mean. I put this as M rated for a reason. And yaoi! Please click on the home button if you can't take it, thank you.**

* * *

**_Universe: X/1999  
Name:_**** Connotations**

**Or 'How to break Sumeragi Subaru 101'. Set after Subaru lost his right eye.**

* * *

_No matter which universe, their relationship is always sinful._

___Only varying in degrees of sinfulness._  


_._

_._

_One always win.  
_

* * *

When he enters his apartment that day, he finds a certain raven drinking a cup of tea while reading the newspapers he folded up on the table in the morning. He stills at the door for a second before closing the door and kneeling down to remove his shoes. He takes off his white trench coat—it has already started to yellow from the years of use— and puts it up on the hanger beside the large black trench coat. He ignores the red spots decorating the sleeves of the overly large coat and makes his way to the kitchen. On the counter sits a plate of food wrapped in plastic wrap, already cold.

He isn't hungry.

He picks up the plate of food and is about to throw them into the bin when a large hand suddenly shoots out and grabs his wrist.

"You shouldn't waste food, Subaru-kun."

He doesn't react. A pair of mismatched eyes is looking at him in reprimand. His own left eye stares back for a few seconds before he wrenches his arm away. The older man lets him go and watches as he takes the plastic off and heating it up in the oven. He is aware of the mismatched eyes watching his every move as he waits for the oven. When it finally finishes with a high 'ding', he takes it out and sits down at the table to eat it. As if satisfied, the older man takes his leave from the kitchen and retreats back to the couch for the newspaper again.

When he finishes with the late dinner, he washes the dishes and brews himself a cup of tea. He takes the cup and sits down at the table, picking up the faxes that arrived during his absence from the apartment. He scans through the faxes and arranges his schedule accordingly in his mind as he takes a sip. When he finishes, he decides to take a shower. He doesn't bother putting the papers into a locked drawer. Seishirou isn't the type to peek at them and neither does he have an interest in them. Even if he does, locks are nothing to him. That is the same reason he will use if he is asked why he doesn't bother locking the bathroom door when he goes in to shower.

When he comes out a few minutes later, with fresh bandages wrapped around his injured right eye, the assassin hasn't move from his spot on the couch. He doesn't acknowledge Subaru's presence, only continue on reading the newspapers as he takes the last sip from his cup. Subaru stares at him before deciding to clear the already cool tea on the messy stack of papers. He doesn't try to clear the older man's cup. Then he turns off all lights aside from the ones in the living room and walks to the bedroom without another glance at the assassin.

He closes the door behind him and lies down on the bed, pulling the bed covers up. He closes his eyes and waits.

It is a few minutes later when the door creaks open and he feels someone slipping under the sheets.

"Subaru-kun."

His eye opens to meet the sharp gold and blank white eyes staring at him. He knows what the assassin wants.

There is only one thing that he'll want when he decides to appear in his apartment unannounced.

He obliges.

He sits up slightly and lets the man pull the shirt over his head. As the older man pushes him down on his back, he watches the shirt get thrown onto the floor. _Abandoned_, he thinks. He shuts his eyes tightly and tries not to make a sound as strong hands roam his body.

His neck. His shoulder. And then all the way to his navel before retracing the journey back up before stopping at the area just beneath the jaw. The older man doesn't go higher than that. He never does.

A flicker of irritation runs through the Sumeragi.

"Subaru-kun."

The voice is deep and resounds in his ears, sending shudders down his spine. It's an unspoken command.

He bites his lip tightly and reaches to grab the front of the silk button-up shirt. Without the aid of his eye, he blindly searches for the top button and starts to undo it with shaky fingers.

Seishirou's lips are on his neck and leaving sticky trails with his tongue and he tries to concentrate on the buttons as the long fingers trace teasingly near his lower belly. When the last button is finally undone, Seishirou bites down at his collarbone, emitting a cry from Subaru that the younger man tries desperately to cover. He feels Seishirou smirk at his throat and momentarily feels as though he lost a battle.

Seishirou's hand slips under his boxers and grabs hold of his already hard member. His eye immediately fly open as he slaps a hand over his mouth to muffle the moan. The older man raises his head to look at him.

"Why are you covering your mouth, Subaru-kun?"

Subaru can see the amusement in the seeing gold eye. He refuses to remove his hand and only glares at him in defiance, silently daring him to force him to do otherwise. The assassin shakes his head and chuckles before he lifts the band of the boxers and pulls it down along with the pants, exposing Subaru completely. The younger onmyouji shivers as Seishirou suddenly lifts himself off him and Subaru sits up almost immediately—an involuntary action at the loss of warmth, he tells himself.

Green meets gold and white and he tries not to show his need on his face. The older man seems to find this amusing and he takes off the rest of his clothes without removing his gaze from Subaru's. The younger man swallows, his gaze lowering down the now naked body. He turns pink for a moment before he realises and schools his expression to that of a neutral one. Seishirou smirks.

"You're so cute, Subaru-kun."

He glares back at him.

"Why bother controlling yourself when you know that you'll be incapable of that in just a few moments?" Seishirou seems to be laughing at him as he moves back onto the bed on fours, putting his hands on either side of the Sumeragi's head, trapping him.

The slight frame doesn't reply but continues glaring at him.

The assassin throws his head back to laugh. "Really, Subaru-kun, I remember that you were quite the willing one the first time we did this."

For the first time that evening, he replies. "You know why, Seishirou-san."

The older man feigns innocence. "Oh? I do? Why don't you enlighten me?"

"You never kiss me."

"So?"

"Kiss me, Seishirou-san," he demands.

Seishirou's lips curl into a feral grin and he places his forehead against the shaking onmyouji's. With a deep sensual voice, he whispers, "You want a kiss?" He brings his lips close to him, merely a few centimeters away from touching. "Why don't you try kissing me then, Subaru-kun?"

His green eye flashes at the challenge and he lifts his head to do just that but Seishirou has already raised his head before the two pairs of lips could meet. Subaru reaches out with two hands to try to push the retreating head back down but Seishirou deftly catches his wrists.

"Why do you want me to kiss you, Subaru-kun?" He brushes his lips almost lovingly across the captured fingers.

Subaru glares furiously at him.

"Do you wish for yourself to feel loved?" The assassin smirks tauntingly at him, placing a kiss each on the back of the two hands, lighting up the inverted pentagrams. A sign of possession. The evidence of the prey-predator relationship.

"Subaru-kun, don't think that with these visits, I actually love you. What I said nine years ago still hold true now." He smiles coldly down and Subaru's seeing eye meets him unflinchingly. "Sex can be done without love."

With that, he holds the two wrists above the younger onmyouji's head and lowers his head to bite a nipple as another hand traces circles on the onmyouji's inner thigh teasingly. He hisses as he feels something—a hand? A finger?—touching the tip of his member.

"You know, Subaru-kun, kissing is an act of love," he starts conversationally, almost thoughtful as his finger runs along the length lightly. "Won't it be strange to demonstrate a romantic love towards a glass cup?"

Subaru turns his head to the side, breathing heavily. He takes a second to gather his wits and concentrate on the words. When the words sink in, he takes in a sharp breath. _A glass cup._ He thinks he has already accepted that fact but... He struggles to even his breath as he speaks. "Then why are you making love with a glass cup, Seishirou-san?"

The older man pauses and Subaru almost thinks that he caught Seishirou on that one—that he perhaps doesn't view him on a glass cup at all—when he begins again. Thoughtfully as he strokes Subaru's length slowly. "Making love… Hmm, interesting choice of words, Subaru-kun. Have you ever realize that there are different ways to describe the act that we are committing now? Making love, screwing, banging, fucking or just simply sex. Why do you think there are so many ways to refer to the same act when another sexual act such as kissing is just mostly referred to 'kiss', Subaru-kun?"

"I don't- I don't k-know, Seishirou-san…" He's writhing and shivering and trying his very best not to just scream out right there. He wants to tell Seishirou to stop talking and get on with it and more importantly to stop teasing.

"Oh, the answer is quite simple, my dear Subaru-kun. The act of kissing, itself is a form of display of love and affection for another while the act of sex has different possible connotations. A romantic love connotation. Or a simple play around. Or just as a form of entertainment. Do you understand Subaru-kun?" He stops his hand all of a sudden and looks at the shivering onmyouji beneath him.

He tries to formulate a reply as the cloud of lust clears slowly in his mind. "Y-Yes."

Seishirou smiles. "Now, tell me, Subaru-kun, why on earth do you think that this act that we are doing has a connotation of romantic love?"

His breath catches and he freezes, staring at the man above him and the cruel smile on the handsome features.

Oh.

_Or a simple play around. Or just as a form of entertainment._

W-Why did he...

The cruel, cold, unfeeling smile widens as his mind stops all over again. His throat dries up and he finally sees clearly the look in the assassin's eye. Cold amusement, taunt, scorn…

_A game.  
_

Why did he ever...

_A game._

_Nothing more than a game._

He should have...

_Nothing more than a predator playing with his prey._

What is he thinking?

There is a short silence where Seishirou seems to be satisfied and lowers his head back down. The younger onmyouji can almost breathe a sigh of relief. He thinks that maybe the older man is going to let him off without an answer. Then, the assassin's head stops just centimeters away from his shaft; Subaru can almost feel the hot breath on it. And then—

"So, Subaru-kun?"

The relieved sigh catches in his throat and his throat constricts painfully. A green eye meet the mismatched eyes—sharp gold taunting him, silently laughing at him, forcing him to say the answer the assassin already knows; the blank white unseeing, not even acknowledging him.

What is he expecting?

Tears blur his vision and he shuts his eye. Shivering, he answers in a hoarse voice. "Nothing."

He should have known.

"Subaru-kun." The voice is a gentle prodding but his hot breath brushes against his shaft— a reminder of what the older man will not do if he doesn't receive an answer.

Shakingly, he tries to take in a deep breath.

He hates himself.

For momentarily forgetting.

For getting ahead of himself.

For the stupid hope he doesn't realize he has been clinging onto.

Wishing and wishing for something that can never be.

And—

For giving the assassin a chance to play with him again.

"Seishirou-san, please!"

"Please what?" The Sumeragi jolts at the hot moist breath and he digs his nails into his palms.

He isn't going to let him off.

"Please, please—"

He never does. But—

_Please._

_Just let me off for once._

"But Subaru-kun," the voice has a mocking edge to it and his head spins, "If you don't say what, I won't know what you want."

The younger onmyouji forces his eye open and to meet that pair of mismatched eyes directly. With tears threatening to spill, he forces his voice to croak out a plea. "Seishirou-san, p-please just—" His voice shakes. "J-just continue. _Take_ me."

The moment the words spill out, images of the previous head of the Sumeragi—his grandmother—shaking her head in disapproval causes waves of shame and guilt to drown him. He swallows and his vision blurs further.

He's _begging_.

"Oh? But this is sex, Subaru-kun. Not making love, are you sure you want this?"

Subaru stops breathing for a second.

_Why—_

_Isn't this enough already?_

_You've already reduced me into this._

_Isn't it enough?_

The hot breaths are joined by a light touch along the length and together, Subaru cannot restrain himself anymore.

"Seishirou-san!"

Bitter tears falling down, he thrashes around, struggling madly against the iron grip, arching himself upwards desperately—anything, to do anything at all.

Seishirou tightens his grip on the wrists, his hand moving from his member to push his hips down violently and his nails digging into his hipbone threateningly. "Ah, so aggressive, Subaru-kun?" he chides coolly, "This isn't like the sweet little Subaru-kun I know."

"It doesn't matter if it's nothing to you. To me—"

He chokes in his sentence.

"—I just want—"

His pride.

He has already thrown it away.

"—I love you, so please, _please_."

The green eye stares straight into the mismatched eyes and the Sakurazukamori gives one swift glance to the bandaged eye, his smirk growing larger by the second.

Seishirou laughs lightly, shaking his head. He lifts his hand from the younger man's hips, tracing the bandage adoringly. "What would your sister say I wonder? Her beloved brother proclaiming his love for her murderer." He chuckles before dropping his hand, finally relenting.

He brings his mouth down to the member, taking it into his mouth. And despite the stab of guilt at the reminder of his twin, Subaru cannot help the relief— and the lust— that floods him.

_Hokuto-chan…_

_I'm so sorry._

A large hand trails down the chest to reach the hips to caress the fresh angry red nail marks decorating the pale white skin. Seishirou moves up towards the other man's face, tongue lapping up the tear streaks reassuringly and he lets out a choked sob at the gentle action. Sitting up, the assassin releases the Sumeragi's hands only to pick them up gently, pressing soft feather-light kisses on the abused wrists. A glassy emerald eye looks at the action.

His left eye momentarily registers the face of a kindly veterinarian nine years ago instead of the emotionless assassin. He blinks.

"Seishirou-san." His voice is a shaky breath, hardly audible but the man in question hears it. He drops the gentle act for a brief moment, looking at him in a cold knowing amusement.

"Isn't it what you want?" he whispers back mockingly, "Making love.

"After all, you _love_ me, don't you, Subaru-kun?"

He doesn't see his expression anymore as he turns his head away to his left.

But he thinks, if he did, he will have seen a smirk.

.

He goes on with his ministrations.

Gentle. Kindly.

He bites down at the collarbone, moving his hand in a steady rhythm, listening to the cries and moans elicited in the dark room. To skillfully press at the right places to make the younger man let out the most pleasurable sounds.

But his lips are still left untouched.

Subaru doesn't know what to feel.

All he can do is to dig his nails into Seishirou's back, hoping it to ground himself down to reality, pulling Seishirou closer.

When the assassin pushes his legs open, he expects a sharp intrusion as always. But he forgets; tonight is different.

The younger man watches as the other bend over the bed, digging through his clothes to retrieve a bottle. The assassin squeezes out a handful of the liquid onto his palm.

"Seishirou-san? That is…"

"It's to prepare you."

"But you've never…"

Seishirou flashes a soft smile and Subaru stops himself, reminding himself once again that Seishirou is a cruel man. To not get swept by his flow.

Seishirou pushes a finger in tentatively and Subaru jumps at the cold sensation, hands on the back of the older man tightening. When he opens his eye again, he realizes that he is waiting for his pained expression to relax before pushing in another finger. The assassin watches his expression carefully, stopping whenever the Sumeragi's face contorted with pain until it relaxes.

The realization results in another stab to his heart.

_Too gentle._

The older man slides his fingers out and lubricating his own member with the liquid, he positions himself. Subaru squeezes his eyes shut, awaiting the sharp pain that is soon to follow.

But when the older man enters, the pain is significantly less than what he's used to.

After a few seconds, he realizes that Seishirou is waiting for him. He opens his eyes to see a lovingly concerned expression on his face. He blinks.

"Are you alright, Subaru-kun?"

"Y-Yes."

The expression softens and he places a soft kiss on his bandaged right eye. The Sumeragi closes his eye briefly and doesn't catch how the other man's face quickly morph back to the cold smirk again. The older man pulls out slowly before thrusting in again, not any less gentle than before.

Subaru shudders.

His chest throbs painfully.

_Don't._

The man whispers sweet caring words to him.

His seeing eye prickles with tears again.

_Please don't._

The large hands gentle but firm on his hips.

His breathless cries mix with choked sobs.

_Don't be gentle to me._

He screams Seishirou's name, tears flowing endlessly.

Seishirou reassures him but the tears don't stop.

_Not when you feel nothing to me._

But Subaru twists his head to the left.

He doesn't let go.

Subaru is the first to go. A broken gasp ripping through the fabric of pain.

Seishirou follows not far after. A low grunt to end everything.

At the end of it, Seishirou pulls the tear-stained man closer, whispering something that sounds like recitation to the tired man's ears.

"Subaru-kun… I… You…"

Subaru pretends he doesn't hear.

Not the sickeningly sweet words.

Not words from a persona that has never existed.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Subaru-kun."

He shuts his eye and he can feel the cold smirk forming on the other man's face as he presses his lips on his head.

They will not meet in the familiar confinement of the bedroom the next day. Hands red and eyes wide—one seeing green and one blank white— Subaru will see a gentle smile. With the white bandages loosened and carried off by the wind, he will hear the exact same words he pretends not to hear.

And this time, he will not be able to pretend anymore.

* * *

**Lemme just say that…. Whatever I wrote up there, I don't think it's possible to be done. Like holding up Subaru's hands while his mouth is near…. Yeah… You know. I realised that halfway through but well…**

**And I think I just utterly butchered Seishirou's character and Subaru's here. Darn it. I made Sei-chan into such an asshole here, it's not even funny anymore. And Subaru became such a masochist. (even though it can be argued that this is possible, for the both of them, I should think…) *sobs* I'm so sorry, I just wanted to try a hand at those angst-y smut SeiSub fics I always read about.**

**Why do I feel like this doesn't make any sense. :/ (and I still feel like this is utter crap. I wonder why..)**

**A review is highly appreciated!**


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